A Bad Family Vacation Might Be Worse Than No Trip at All

Other posts by MudslideMama

Looking at family travel blogs on the internet, a reader sees a lot of “best vacations with children” types of articles and posts. But they can’t all be the best, can they? And – what about some bad family travel experiences – they happen, to be honest. What about when bad vacations happen to good people?

The worst family vacation I’ve had as a parent was quite a while ago, when my daughters were 6 months old and almost 3 years old. It sounded good on paper: My parents were renting a condo in Puerto Rico (they found a good deal), and my brother-in-law was coming along too. Instant built-in babysitting! Who’d look at that cock-eyed? I didn’t hesitate, and the Mudslide family looked forward to this family vacation in Puerto Rico with no skepticism. And…we learned our lesson.

The reason the condo rental was so cheap was because it was rainy season in the Caribbean. Of course! It rained every single day. Every single day, that is, except for the one I spent with my older daughter in a Puerto Rican hospital’s pediatric ER. THAT day was bright and sunny. Too bad that was the day her uncle thought it would be funny to play the game, “Let’s pretend this penny is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

Well. My Spanish isn’t usually too bad, at least in the present tense, but at the hospital my panic set in and the best I could muster was, “Comer dinero! Me nina comer dinero!” (Translation: “To eat money. My girl to eat money.”) By the time el medico had assured me, through a mix of wild gestures and loud clear Spanish words I kind of recognized, that the penny should safely pass through Mudslide Daughter’s system, the rain had set back in.

This same daughter was later bitten by a bunch of little red ants, and on the last day in Puerto Rico, a waiter accidentally got her drunk. Long story short: If you order a virgin tropical drink for your toddler, take a sip to ensure the drink is, indeed, alcohol-free. I learned my lesson when my child said “that was sweee-” and then clunked her head on the table, fast asleep. I will send a free surprise to the first person who guesses exactly what the drink I ordered was, by the way. Hint: It’s ironic.

I still feel bad about the time my young child got drunk in that restaurant in Puerto Rico – although she’s heard about it often enough now to retell the tale herself. What she doesn’t retell is how the ceiling leaked right over her bed, and her little sister’s crib – supplied by the condo association – was an older, unsafe version with large gaps between the metal slats, and a crib mattress that had somehow shrunk in its antiquity. Result? MudslideDad and I shared a double bed with both children each night. Except the night he gave up and slept on the shag carpet in the main room, also not fun for him.

Now, Puerto Rico as a Caribbean vacation island has a lot of things going for it. Culture, restaurants, beautiful beaches, etc. Despite all this tropical fun and splendor, this family vacation was beyond low-rated. It was the worst trip we’ve had as a family…at least so far. My kids aren’t teenagers yet, and I’m sure once I have two adolescent girls on my hands, there’ll be a doozy of a family vacation for us that tops this one. I can hardly wait.

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October 9, 2008 | Filed Under Adventure Travel, Family Travel, The Cookie Jar 

Comments

15 Responses to “A Bad Family Vacation Might Be Worse Than No Trip at All”

  1. jamie says:
    October 9, 2008 at

    Mudslide:

    Oh NO! Some of those virgin drinks are so sweet, I can’t TELL if they have rum in them. It makes me paranoid. Before kids, my husband and I visited Key West in–wait for it–September (hello Tropical storm Debbie!). Rain, wind, and rough seas meant that when we finally did get out (to go scuba diving in 3 foot waves) we were desperately sea sick (one man even barfed underwater).

    There’s no place like home!

  2. Keith says:
    October 9, 2008 at

    Switzerland … the rainiest August since the Flood. And, finding a house-sized boulder in the middle of a mountain road.

    The good news … we took my wife’s little VW Polo … we’d never have got my BMW past it!

  3. wandermom says:
    October 9, 2008 at

    Oh wow!
    This does seem like the vacation from hell. Your poor little girl.
    Here’s hoping you have a stupendous trip sometimes soon to get your travel karma back in balance.

  4. mara says:
    October 9, 2008 at

    I don’t have time to properly respond to this here, but we spent a night in a motel in West Virginia that can only be described as hellish. I may have to post my own follow-up to this.

    I’m having trouble thinking of the drink – surely not Sex on the Beach!

  5. MountainMama says:
    October 9, 2008 at

    I’m guessing it was a MUDSLIDE!

  6. Lanora says:
    October 10, 2008 at

    Hmmm. Ironic tropical drink. Very good quiz question.

    Was it a Zombie? No, just kidding.

    A Bahama Mama? That could be ironic…

  7. MathTeacherMom says:
    October 11, 2008 at

    Then there was the time we were visiting my parents when my son (age 5 at the time) had to be rushed to the emergency room at 1 am with severe abdominal pain… only to find out after X-rays that he was suffering from constipation! A few hours (and a few prunes) later, everything came out just fine : )

    And I think MountainMama got it right. A Mudslide for the Mudslide family WOULD be ironic!

  8. Kelby says:
    October 11, 2008 at

    Wow, I so relate to what you are saying here… and I definitely DO think a bad vacation is better than being at home any day. Yes, it can suck and be scary and be intense. But travel IS intense. That’s part of its appeal.

    My daughter got a nasty, really high fever when she was 1 and we were traveling in the South of France. It was a bit scary communicating with a doctor who spoke no English. I did muddle through, but I know what you mean. It is not a warm fuzzy feeling you get when you can’t tell a doctor what’s wrong with your child. In the end, I was kind of amazed at the experience. One, the doctor made a house call… to a hotel… on a Sunday night… and the total cost was 60 euros! Then he prescribed several drugs. Cost of all three? 5 euros. OK, I digress, but I’ve kind of been there…

  9. Darren Cronian says:
    October 12, 2008 at

    Oh, don’t get me on to those posts ‘best … ‘ and ‘top 10…’ there’s too many of them and it’s getting boring!!

    Sounds like you’ve had some nightmare experiences, and I can only imagin what it must be like travelling with kids, as I usually only travel with friends or on my own.

    Great post.

  10. Innovation Luggage Staff says:
    October 13, 2008 at

    In my recently annual travel to Yosemite with some friends, there was a fire there! We had to stay at a hotel and terrifyingly there was no electricity. A horrible trip indeed.

  11. Barb says:
    October 22, 2008 at

    Yikes thats crazy i’ll definitely have to remember that! http://www.petergreenberg.com also has some good tips that I tend to keep in mind when i’m traveling with the kids.

  12. Becky says:
    October 22, 2008 at

    I love watching Peter Greenberg. He has some great advice on where to go vacationing with your tweens.

  13. David says:
    October 22, 2008 at

    True to that once I went to a place and there was still poop in the toilet!!! It only went downhill from there. I wish somebody had told me it was a crap hole

  14. CanCan (Mom Most Traveled) says:
    October 26, 2008 at

    Ugh! We spent 2 days in the hospital in Chiang Mai Thailand when my then 15-month old got some food poisoning that resulted in…lets not go there, but it was gross! Sadly my husband was violently ill the same day, so I spent my time going b/t hotel and hospital, making sure everyone was still alive!

  15. Worst trip yet KIDS CHILDREN BABY says:
    November 8, 2008 at

    [...] my travel blogging compatriot Mudslide Mama posted a very funny description of her family’s disastrous trip to Puerto Rico (let’s just say that it involves a drunk child) and it got me thinking about some of my travel [...]

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